Could you just be quiet?
A client of mine heard this over and over throughout her childhood.
She was always told she was loud as a child, and was constantly being told to be quiet.
Now, as an adult, she’s a leader in her industry and what we’ve been working on is her ability to use her voice as an expert. She was always told to be quiet, but now she’s this leader in her industry and is asked to speak regularly.
For her, this being told to be quiet has showed up as an adult as her feeling nervous when she was asked pointed questions or playing small when given the microphone. She found herself only sharing part of her thoughts because she didn’t want to take up too much space in the room, feeling like she should let somebody else talk. But then, afterwards she’d feel upset with herself that she didn’t say more.
The interesting thing is this didn’t seem like a big deal to her, but she would walk away from these meetings feeling a little bit upset, exhausted, or depleted. And she didn’t know why.
She didn’t know why the work she loved was leaving her feeling exhausted and depleted.
She came to me with this question of “Why am I wearing out? I love my work but I feel so exhausted.”
Through my Kinesiology work, we started digging through the layers and it’s funny how it always shows up. She was like “You know, I’m just having these memories of being a kid, I was always kind of fun, and boisterous, and bubbly, and always had something to say. And those around me —whether it was parents, or grandparents, or teachers, or whatever just kind of being like—can you be quiet for just a minute, like can you just be quiet?
The more we talked, she said, “I keep having memories of this.”
And so, we went through my process to identify how these memories are affecting her now as an adult, as a leader in her industry. She was subconsciously telling herself, although she authentically wanted to share her thoughts and ideas, a little piece of her was like no, no, no, no, nope, don’t say that, don’t say too much, don’t take up too much space in the room because that would be annoying for people. These little voices in the back of her head have become such a thick pattern, she no longer noticed it wasn’t authentically her to be quiet.
This was wearing her out.
And so, we were able to heal those voices from her childhood, heal it forward, so now when she’s in meetings, she’s able to authentically express herself. Then, she’s coming home no longer feeling tired like she had been before. So, it’s super powerful to be able to listen to her body and act on her intuition, knowing something isn’t right. She knew she was doing the work she loved but was curious, “Why am I so tired?”
Our work together was able to peel back layers and discover how years ago, she decided it was safer to be quiet and it was safer to keep her opinions to herself. But while it seemed safer because that’s what she had been taught, it wasn’t her true self. She wasn’t able to live as her true self in that she wasn’t sharing ideas, creating, and collaborating.
We recognized how this pattern was created and then we were able to go through a process of letting it go. And now, she’s able to fully operate as her adult, true self. When she gets asked questions, she doesn’t revert to 5-year-old her, she’s able to be her 35-year-old self and conduct herself as a brilliant business woman in these situations.
The key in that situation, was her ablity to listen to her intuition, and then know she did not have the tools to move past it.
This is where I came in. If you have a story like this, if you’re interested in moving past what’s holding you back, let’s talk.