It’s a question that used to go through my head all the time. I cannot stop taking pain pills, if my pain level is at 10 with pain pills, how awful will life be without?

The day I chose to stop taking pain pills was the worst day of my life. A sobbing, snotty, swollen faced, I hate this, angry rush of emotion. I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do next, but I knew I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing, and expect different results. It wasn’t like the pain pills, muscles relaxers, or hormones were prescribed to save my life. I didn’t have some life threatening whole body infection that needed medication to stay alive. My prescriptions were supposed to be bringing me increased quality of life. Let me tell you, my quality of life sucked. Looking down at the pill bottles I realized I gave all my hopes for recovery to little pills filled with chemicals I didn’t want to understand. In that moment I realized life sucked with the pills, and it was going to suck without them.

endometriosis and pain pills. what is life like without pain pills

The pills were supposed to take my pain away, and it wasn’t working. In that moment, in January of 2009, I chose to feel my pain. I chose to feel my pain over feeling pain along with tingling numbness of pain pills, the fogginess and forgetfulness of pain pills. No more loading up and passing out, no more max doses by noon, no more me and the chemicals. From that day forward, I chose to just be me.

I always thought if my pain was at 10 with pain pills, if I quit my pain would be at 50 or something horrible like that. In reality, my pain was a 10 with pain pills, and a 10 without them. The pain wasn’t exponentially worse, just different. Somehow a slightly better version of 10. I felt the pain just as I always had, but without the many pills I felt clearer. I felt like me again.

At the time I was going through a leadership program that met once a week. Participants were from many different industries. I had become friends with a man who ran an Emergency Department at a local hospital. A few weeks after quitting meds, he came up to me and asked how I felt…which wasn’t completely out of line, he knew what I was dealing with and would often ask how I was doing. “Fine” I said…per usual. But this time was different. He just smiled, and said, “I know. You look good.” I said thanks with a confused look, and he continued, “How is life without pain pills?” “Excuse me?” I answered, “How do you know what am or am not taking?” “Audrey, I’m an ER doc, it is my job to know within seconds what you are and are not taking. I can see it in your eyes. I’m proud of you.”

To this day that story makes me cry. It makes me cry to think that he could so clearly see the medicated fog had been lifted. The scary thing is, I can see it too. I talk to so many EndoSisters, and I can see it too. I can see the fog. Not because I was formally trained to know how medications affect the body, but because I know the fog so well.

***disclaimer*** I am in no way suggesting that anyone stop their medication. Nor am I suggesting that quitting medication is the answer. Every woman is different. The above story represents (and was) my rock bottom. My change in direction, my take control. January 2009 is when I stopped listening to the frantic panic in my brain, and began to listen to my body. I chose to stand up for myself. I chose to use my voice, where previously I had not. I do not know what life looks like for you, or how endometriosis affects you. I do know that taking a deep breath, exhaling, and doing what it takes to quiet the chatter long enough to hear what your body is saying will be the best first step you’ll ever take.*** I talk more about it here –>  In order to start, you have to stop.

Have you ever been there? Feeling like a desperate heap of emotions wondering what to do to feel better? That’s where I come in. When living and dealing with endometriosis is overwhelming or you feel like there has got to be another way…that’s where I come in. There is no 5 step guide. Every woman’s endometriosis journey is different, and that is what makes the disease so difficult. I don’t have the answers, just a lot of questions. And somewhere along the way, we discover you. We discover you. As you begin to listen to your body, we then build a team of professionals to help you heal YOUR endometriosis.

There are a variety of ways we can work together <<See More Here>>

Anxious to start your journey to discovery? Join me today and start the 7 Days of Discovery Challenge!




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Audrey Michel. Rewired Life. Listen to your body Meditation

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