How backwards does that sound? I had a business coach tell me he couldn’t help me if I continued to run around in circles at 100mph trying to do more, be more, and accomplish everything anyone ever told me would make my photography business “successful”. Not surprisingly, I was pissed that I was paying a business coach and the assignment for the week was to do nothing. NOTHING! I have BUSINESS to run! Other than delivering on previously promised orders, I ignored anything photography business related for one week.
At first I hated it, and was convinced my business was going to DIE in the meantime. But in reality, nothing happened, everything was fine. I realized I needed to exhale.
When it comes to endometriosis, the same is true. As a community, EndoSisters are doing ANYTHING we can think of to make the pain go away. I get it. It can be an overwhelming, frantic feeling to tackle the beast of endometriosis. And, it can be disappointing if we put all our hopes for improvement in the next dr appointment, or pill, or treatment, or…or…etc.
The day I chose to stop taking pain pills was more than quitting pills. (Read the full story here) It was me standing up for myself. Me saying, I deserve better than placing all my hopes for happiness in these two dozen pill bottles. At that point I had been dealing with endometriosis for 13 years. For over a decade I had been taking one pill after another, stuck in a short-term-thinking, rat-in-a-wheel, do-the-same-thing-over-and-over-expecting-different-results and I lost my perspective. Fight or flight survival mode had taken over my life, and I needed a change in direction.
I didn’t know what the hell I was doing or going to do the day I quit taking the pain pills, hormones, muscle relaxers, and mood stabilizers that had a permanent home next to my bed. I did know that even after years of medicine, I was still in pain every day. I felt no better at 27 than I was when I was diagnosed at 14. I was on so many pills that I didn’t know how “I” felt. Did “I” feel bloated, constipated, cranky, or dehydrated, or was it just another side affect? Hell, I had pills to “take care” of side affects. I was disconnected and depressed. But for the first time in my life with endometriosis, I stood up for myself and said this isn’t working. I knew I was going to feel pain, but I didn’t care. For two week out of the month it was guaranteed I would be stuck in bed, barely conscious. The other two weeks I might get up, but you’d be lucky if you saw me. So what the hell did I have to lose?
And so, my journey began. My journey to (re)discover me. It was not an easy road, but it was real. Instead of tackling the beast of endometriosis, I chose to take baby steps towards personal growth and wellness.
Baby step one is to stop. To EXHALE. Did you notice? You’ve been holding your breathe.
Next week I am feature 5 amazing EndoSisters, all with very different stories and journeys to empowerment. Next week, I invite you to breathe. Exhale. Take in their stories, feel their energy, and just breathe. Start Here!
***disclaimer*** I am in no way suggesting that anyone stop their medication. Nor am I suggesting that quitting medication is the answer. Every woman is different. The above story represents (and was) my rock bottom. My change in direction, my take control. January 2009 is when I stopped listening to the frantic panic in my brain, and began to listen to my body. I chose to stand up for myself. I chose to use my voice, where previously I had not. I do not know what life looks like for you, or how endometriosis affects you. I do know that taking a deep breath, exhaling, and doing what it takes to quiet the chatter long enough to hear what your body is saying will be the best first step you’ll ever take.